Garden of Witches Review Roundup

Garden of Witches is a Very Positive Steam game that spent a year being called “Hades-like” in comment sections and “almost bullet hell” in written reviews. Both are lazy and both are pointing at something real. This page is a roundup, not a score out of 100. Buy-or-don’t lives at the bottom.

The video is a popular English playthrough from the Early Access months. Use it for tone — portraits, jazz, Fiena on the floor — not for the synergy lecture that may appear in similar clips.

What the store page is selling

Team Tapas’ pitch is stable: a cute action roguelike full of danger, Sil rounding up witches, scissors and witchcraft, a Garden that will collapse if the tea party fails. Tags players actually use: action roguelike, cute, female protagonist, hack and slash, cats. Price $18.99. Steam Deck Verified. 31 achievements in 1.0. Review counts moved through the 1,200–1,400 band at Very Positive (~92–93%). That is a small but healthy indie, not a phenomenon, and not a flop.

Garden of Witches playthrough — Yippee Ki Yay Mr Falcon

What reviewers liked (and still like)

Netto’s Game Room called it a cute roguelite with surprising depth and recommended it even in Early Access because the five-chapter story was already there. That call aged well. 1.0 did not ask you to wait two years for an ending; it asked you to relearn combat and then handed you Epilogues 2 and 3.

Common praise:

• Hand-drawn portraits that actually change with the line
• A soundtrack that is cozy until it is not
• Bosses who are people (Fiena, Abigail) instead of loot bags
• A run loop you can finish in an evening and still want to imprint once more
• Skip-that-only-skips-seen-lines, which is how a talky roguelite stays replayable

What they complained about — and 1.0’s homework

Melee felt weak next to Fireball. Sil plants her feet. 1.0 gave each scissors pair its own crit rule so the basic attack is allowed to be a build. Giant finishers and Broken Scissors at 100% Sharpness are the reply. If you still hate melee, Magic Scissors and mouse aiming exist now. That was the other complaint.

No mouse aiming. Shipped as the 1.0 default.

Dash cooldown made later bosses feel unfair. Still a skill check. Cooldown is still a real upgrade. Counter is the adult panic button. Hard modifiers that strip i-frames are optional cards, not the story default.

Short. True. Four to seven hours for a first story clear was a fair Early Access estimate. 1.0 adds epilogues and Challenge Mode. It will not become a 60-hour live service. That is a feature if you wanted a coven, not a job.

Wanted a Cult of the Lamb hub with chores. The cottage is still a cottage. Team Tapas talked about side stories. They did not promise a farming sim. Sil sews. You leave.

Who it is for

• People who like Hades’ “one more run” but want a smaller cast they can remember
• People who can stand cute art wrapping a nasty telegraph
• People who will read an imprint instead of a 40-tag spreadsheet
• Steam Deck players who want Verified, not “playable with pain”

Who should skip it

• Anyone who needs a second player. The game is single-player only.
• Anyone who needs a hundred-hour meta. Level 70 is the comfort cap they named, not an expansion pass.
• Anyone allergic to boss pattern exams. Abigail and the later book fight will not apologize.
• Anyone still hoping for a synergy calculator. That game was deleted in 0.9.2.

Verdict for 1.0 week

If you bounced off Early Access because melee felt sad or because mouse was missing, 1.0 is the patch that heard you. If you bounced because you wanted a different genre, it is still scissors and tea. At $18.99 (often less at launch) for a complete story plus a real combat rewrite, the Steam score is not a mystery.

Play the getting started guide, pick a kit from the Armory planner, and let Fiena finish her picnic. If you already own it, read version 1.0 before you copy an old loadout. Official store link sits on the links hub.